That's Life

As she laid in bed that evening listening to the crickets chirp through the open patio door, the warm summer breeze brought her back to a childhood memory, which sparked an unexpected thought process. She was up on the patio enjoying a summer afternoon with her Grandparents. They were the type of people, who loved children, especially their grandchildren. Her Grandpa was jovial and wise. Her Grandma had the "permagrin," in other words; it was rare you would see her without a smile on her face or laughter in her heart. The smell in the air that night was much like that afternoon. She wondered why she was brought back to that particular day, when she spent many Sundays in the summer the same way with them. Maybe it was her way of thinking about the loved ones in her life, who made a lasting impression upon her, and who she wanted to model her parenting after.

She started to make a mental list of how she wanted to be and also thought about the things, which upset her about her stepparents growing up. One thing she valued was honesty. She vowed she would never lie to the kids, even if the truth were not what they wanted to hear. Her Grandfather always told her the truth, which gave her the utmost respect for him. She hated the yelling growing up and the feeling at times her side was never heard. She promised herself she would listen to the kids whenever they wanted to talk, and she would allow them to state their case, so they would feel and believe she truly cared. Her step mom used to call her mom and scream at her on the phone. She remembered how much it hurt her to hear the nasty name-calling and see the tears her mother would shed, even though she tried to hide them. Civil communication, no matter how difficult it may be, was necessary for the kids to hear. She hoped the kid's mom would agree to curb her lies and badmouthing of their dad for the sake of their mental stability.

She remembered how good she always felt, even on a bad day, when she would see the smile on her Grandma's face. She wanted to be able to have the kids get that fuzzy feeling inside whenever they came over. She wanted to provide them with a positive outlook on life and teach them in every bad, a good will usually come out of it. She learned by tough love and taking responsibility for every action she made...after all, it was her choice to do or not to do. She knew she needed to pass on the same thinking to the kids, so they could develop into strong, responsible adults.

She had a lot of stability to offer the kids. She knew what it was like to have two sets of parents, who were not always in agreement and a parent, who would lie and could never fess up to the truth about the divorce, even though their infidelity caused it. She did not want to take the place of their mom. Her step mom had tried that approach and was resented for it. She just wanted to be the best friend and parent figure she could possibly be. After all, she had great teachers to show her how to behave and how not. 

She was starting to get pretty sleepy by this time. There was much more to think about and sort through. She needed to have a conversation with the kid's dad to make sure they were on the same page with the type of environment they wanted to provide together for the kids. She was convinced, if they did not agree; their relationship would be unhealthy for the kids and would be a battle she was not willing to fight.

There are many things in life you cannot change. You cannot change, who your parents are, where you were born, or the truth as to why your parents' marriage may not have lasted. It is unfortunate for some children, a parent or the parents are more worried about their bitterness, anger, and what people may think. They place the children in the middle. The verbal fights in front of their children, the badmouthing of each other to their children, all in hopes of winning a battle where only the children suffer. I am absolutely amazed at the lies told and the games parents will play with their children's heads. For what? Some parents will never see or admit they are doing anything wrong, meanwhile, the children are torn emotionally and mentally between their parents, and eventually are forced to pick sides. In picking sides, they loose a parent, a friend, and a love, which cannot be replaced.

She was dating a guy with kids and had no children of her own. As their relationship started to grow, she thought he may be the one. There was a lot to take into consideration. Did she want an already made family? Was she ready to be a "mom"? Would they ever have children of their own together? How would his kids react? What kind of drama would the ex-wife create? Would her family accept the kids? She had much to think about and needed to figure out what type of "mom" she was going to be, if they were ever to get married.

It was Dad's (her boyfriend's) weekend. The kids were acting up one day and were beyond sassy. The Dad sent them to their room and was extremely upset with how rude and disrespectful they had been. By this time, she had developed a relationship with the kids and was comfortable speaking with them about their behavior and what was causing it. It was obvious to her, they were upset about something, and they were acting it out the only way they knew how. When she asked the kids what was going on, they told her she was not going to replace their Mom. She was taken aback by the comment. Instead of flying off the handle and yelling, she simply asked who said this to them. They proceeded to tell her, if she married their Dad, she was going to try to take the place of their Mom, because their Mom said so. In her mind, she wondered why a mother would upset her children by saying such a thing.

The kids were crying by this time, partly because their Dad was upset with them, but mostly because they believed she was going to try to take them away from their Mom. She sat on the floor of the kids' bedroom, so she was down on their level and could talk to them eye to eye. She told them she would never try to take the place of their Mom. She explained, if she and their Dad were to ever get married, she would be the best friend she could be to them. They were puzzled by the statement. They wanted to know what they were supposed to call her...mom, step-mom, by her name, could they make up a name, etc. She told them to call her what they were comfortable with. She should have thought twice about telling them that, because the goofy names started flying and next thing she knew, they were all giggling and calling each other funny names. It was at that moment, she knew she was in for the long hall, ready or not. (To be continued.)     

It is a beautiful, Monday. Starting the day off on a positive note is always good preparation for the week to come. Your attitude has everything to do with how you feel, how you make others feel, and the lasting impression left on those you meet. I have a few words on my wall written by Charles Swindoll, which I read and reflect on the each day. The words keep me grounded and using my attitude to positively affect others. I leave you today with these empowering words.

"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.

Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company ... a church ... a home.

The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past. We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable.

The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude ... I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me, and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you ... we are in charge of our Attitudes."