As she laid in bed that evening listening to the crickets chirp through the open patio door, the warm summer breeze brought her back to a childhood memory, which sparked an unexpected thought process. She was up on the patio enjoying a summer afternoon with her Grandparents. They were the type of people, who loved children, especially their grandchildren. Her Grandpa was jovial and wise. Her Grandma had the "permagrin," in other words; it was rare you would see her without a smile on her face or laughter in her heart. The smell in the air that night was much like that afternoon. She wondered why she was brought back to that particular day, when she spent many Sundays in the summer the same way with them. Maybe it was her way of thinking about the loved ones in her life, who made a lasting impression upon her, and who she wanted to model her parenting after.
She started to make a mental list of how she wanted to be and also thought about the things, which upset her about her stepparents growing up. One thing she valued was honesty. She vowed she would never lie to the kids, even if the truth were not what they wanted to hear. Her Grandfather always told her the truth, which gave her the utmost respect for him. She hated the yelling growing up and the feeling at times her side was never heard. She promised herself she would listen to the kids whenever they wanted to talk, and she would allow them to state their case, so they would feel and believe she truly cared. Her step mom used to call her mom and scream at her on the phone. She remembered how much it hurt her to hear the nasty name-calling and see the tears her mother would shed, even though she tried to hide them. Civil communication, no matter how difficult it may be, was necessary for the kids to hear. She hoped the kid's mom would agree to curb her lies and badmouthing of their dad for the sake of their mental stability.
She remembered how good she always felt, even on a bad day, when she would see the smile on her Grandma's face. She wanted to be able to have the kids get that fuzzy feeling inside whenever they came over. She wanted to provide them with a positive outlook on life and teach them in every bad, a good will usually come out of it. She learned by tough love and taking responsibility for every action she made...after all, it was her choice to do or not to do. She knew she needed to pass on the same thinking to the kids, so they could develop into strong, responsible adults.
She had a lot of stability to offer the kids. She knew what it was like to have two sets of parents, who were not always in agreement and a parent, who would lie and could never fess up to the truth about the divorce, even though their infidelity caused it. She did not want to take the place of their mom. Her step mom had tried that approach and was resented for it. She just wanted to be the best friend and parent figure she could possibly be. After all, she had great teachers to show her how to behave and how not.
She was starting to get pretty sleepy by this time. There was much more to think about and sort through. She needed to have a conversation with the kid's dad to make sure they were on the same page with the type of environment they wanted to provide together for the kids. She was convinced, if they did not agree; their relationship would be unhealthy for the kids and would be a battle she was not willing to fight.
