Laura's Corner

To your food!

It struck me the other day.  Food doesn’t come to me, I go to it.  I have discussed in the past that I have been a compulsive overeater my entire life.  Although I am getting a possible hold on this situation, it still appears to want to be a part of my life.  It’s almost as if I would be losing a friend if I move on towards a healthier existence.

A significant thought hit me.  I have an unhealthy relationship with my food.  For years I have used food as a soothing agent.  It has called me, tempted me, and beckoned me to its side.  “Come see me and spend time with me”, it states, “I will make you feel better.  We can hang out and watch TV together.  I will never leave nor forsake you.”  Sounds like a bible verse or two to me. 

Food for me has been something I have yet to set a boundary with.  I don’t know about you but I have yet to say no to my food.  When it calls, I come a’ running.  I can’t get to the refrigerator fast enough.  I have gone even so far as to waste precious gasoline to run to the local custard stand.  What does this item contain that causes me to act irrationally at times? 

For most of us, food has been a part of bonding with others.  A nice steak, a fine glass of wine, we usually associate happy feelings with food.  If you come from a large family, think back to holiday feasts.  “Eat up”, Grandma would say.  “Have some more”, yells my mom.  Stuffing, turkey, gravy, corn, drink and dessert, pile it on.  Go back for more.  Nibble, snack, stand around the table.   It is a never ending buffet of gluttony.

Those of us who struggle with our weight wonder how some seem to effortlessly stay within a normal size.  You know, the women who have been untouched by cellulite.   The girls some of us strive to be more like.  I believe they hold the key, which is neither pill nor diet.

It is time to re-evaluate your relationship with food.  You have the right to say “No, I am not going to spend time with you right now.  I have things to do, and by the way, I am not really hungry at this time.  I will come see you when my stomach tells me it needs to be filled.  When I spend time with you, more often than not, I end up feeling regret.”  Sounds familiar?  It might for some of us.  How about we relate this situation with a negative tie you may have with someone of the opposite sex.  This about the guy you have been hooking up with for a year or so.  He calls, you go running.  You spend “quality” time together and one or the other leaves.  Although you may have gotten your “fill”, afterwards you sometimes wonder.  Why did I go back?  Why did I answer the phone?  I would have been fine had I just let it go to voicemail, right? 

A healthy first step for anyone in this particular situation is to find a support system.  I have been fortunate to have been honest and open with those around me.  I found someone in my circle of friends who has the same desire to get healthy.  When I feel the Mountain Dew calling, I go to this person.  The first words I usually hear are, “Do you really need it?  You have been doing so well.  Look at how far you’ve come.”  This is exactly what I need at that particular moment.  A voice of reason, someone who cares. 

Another positive idea would be to realize that it is time to re-establish your beliefs regarding food.  The number one reason Americans are considered the most overweight in the world is due to the fact that we overindulge.  Food was created by the Man Above as a source of sustenance.  It was meant to keep your body healthy and functioning.  How much is enough?  What is your body telling you?  The bone structure of each human being is basically the same.  Our internal organs can only hold so much before they give out.  Your body does not want to carry excessive weight.  If your heart had a voice it would say, “Stop, enough is enough, I cannot take this anymore.  We are going to get sick and eventually the doctor will have to fix me or I will die.” 

Food works in mysterious ways.  Let’s say you just saw the yummiest commercial on TV.   Or, your food may be beckoning you from another room.  From the refrigerator to the cupboard, it is begging you to stroll towards it.  Just this one time, walk away.  Call a friend, send an email, or go into your bedroom and write in your journal.  Watch a movie, listen to music, light a candle.  If the weather permits, put on your shoes and go for a walk.  Do whatever it takes to get away from the source of the problem.   

Another aspect of getting healthy is to stand up and move.  Walk around the house.  No need to attempt a mini-marathon here.  One step is a step in the right direction.  If you are at a place where walking is hard, find a Yoga or Pilates DVD at your local library and try to follow along.  Do not set any types of goals for weight loss.  The only goal you have is to begin a healthy relationship with food and move.  If you are moderately healthy, take a walk outside.  Find a neighborhood dog and “borrow” him for a half an hour.  The owner will thank you.  You may also make a new friend on the trail.  This person may be the answer to your next prayer. 

Finally, start now.  If you put this off another second you are putting yourself at risk.  The minute you begin, it is not going to be easy, but give yourself a break.  No need to be a size two today, tomorrow or ever.  If a healthy size for you is a 16, then go for it.  Give yourself a year to re-adjust to your new lifestyle and someday you will be writing your own success story. 

I wish you luck!

Hello folks,

yes, I attended the meeting tonight at West Allis Central regarding Daniel Acker.  I was quite impressed regarding the turnout of city officials from the West Allis Recreation Department to the Superintendent of the West Allis/West Milwaukee school district.

Between 7:00pm and 7:30pm quite a few parents arrived for the meeting.  They had quite a few fliers laid out for everyone regarding how to talk to your children regarding this man and others who may abuse them.  They touched on the fact it is the responsibility of the parents to talk to their children regarding good touches and bad touches, but one professional really touched on the most important issue: self esteem.  A child who has low self esteem regardless of the good touch/bad touch discussion will always seek out ways to obtain love and approval.  Many of them are the targets because abusers know which signs to look for regarding their next victim.

When they opened the room for questions, I, of course was the first to raise my hand.  I basically wondered how they were going to prevent future instances from happening.  I was hoping for the system to ensure that teachers and others working within the school system and recreation department agree to not be alone with children outside of school.  Another avenue would be to ensure teachers be in an open area similar to the library or cafeteria for any one on one tutoring.  The response from contestant number one was that of facts.  He stated that as a coach, many parents drop their child off at practice and leave without acknowledging the coach.  They put their child into the hands of a stranger based on the fact they feel they can trust this person because he or she is an educated professional.

I agree with this man.  For every abuser, there has to be a parent willing to leave their child alone with that person.  This person can be a Grandparent, Uncle or Aunt, neighbor, babysitter or even someone under your own roof.  The only way to know if your child is being abused is to have open communication from an early age on regarding sex.  When your child is informed that their body is a gift, they are more likely to treasure themselves.  

I have been open about sex since my children were the age of 5.  It has always been age appropriate and we have always been open and honest regarding that topic.  I have always told them that their body is their choice and is going to be the gift they grant to whomever they choose to spend their lives with.  Talking about your children is so much easier than we make it to be.  It should not be taboo, because intimacy within a healthy relationship is wonderful.  We have to break down the barriers because sex will be a part of your son or daughters life some day whether you would like it to be or not.  The sooner you are able to start talking the easier it will be to discuss the more developed questions which will arise from school, friends, television or the internet. 

Because I have been open about this particular subject, we have had a very positive outcome in my home.  My children are aware of the consequences regarding sexual choices yet are strong enough to avoid following the crowd.  I believe that being open has been my saving grace and allowed us to be close especially throughout the teenage years. 

I wish you the best in talking with your children.  School, church and friends can only do so much.  Be the example and live a lifestyle you wish to pass on to your grandchildren.  

Until next time...  

I consider myself a reasonable person, able to get along with mostly everyone.  I do not believe we are all meant to be BFF’s, but we are at least to make enough of an effort to be polite.   I do believe you have the right to choose whomever you want in your “circle” of friends network and that by your choice your true personality will shine, (or dull). 

I hate to admit this, but I believe certain individuals are a-holes.  This applies towards both men and women.  I could throw in the “B” word, but I am trying to be most effective with the former offense.

I have to state, that from here on out, if you are an a-hole, it is not due to the color of your skin.  It has to do with the fact that you are probably rude, mean or treat others as less than.  Let me give you a few examples.  You are out to dinner.  You hear a guy talking loudly, possibly drunk and raise his voice to express his distaste of anything within your immediate vicinity.  Worse yet, although the food may not have been to his liking, he makes it known to the waiter and the entire restaurant how awful everything was.  He is an a-hole. 

How about the gal who walks past you with her nose in the air?  Even if a helpless bird were in her path, she would walk over it.  She has no time, of course, because she is getting her hair and nails done.   She believes she is thinner, prettier and has a better car/house/cell phone than you.  She is an a-hole too.

How about the guy who refuses to help his Grandma cross the street?  He talks about women as if they are less than.  In fact, anyone who makes less money than him is not worthy of his time.   You hear about his cars and homes, iPhone and clothing.  He only wants a 26-24-26 and anything more is hideous.  He brags about his 50” chest and his lifting ability.  He pays for dinner, but expects dessert in return.

I have been accused of disliking certain individuals because of their skin color.  Let me make it clear.  I have friends of all shapes, sizes and colors.  In order for me to form a friendship I have to be able to trust.  I want us to laugh, have fun, and generally be there for each other through our times of struggles.  We have all had run-ins with people outside of our own race but reacting negatively does not necessarily constitute racism.   

Instead of the perp admitting he or she may be a jerk, it’s always someone else’s fault.  They state, “That woman doesn’t like me because I am African American, Caucasian, Hispanic, Asian”, and the list goes on and on.   God forbid someone actually becomes offended by you just because you recently held up a convenience store or beat the crap out of an innocent man/woman/child on the bus.    

A-hole is not a color.  It has nothing to do with race.  It has to do with the fact that you are probably mean.  Birds of a feather, so they say.  You probably don’t recognize the signs.  Others are used to and tolerate you, but there will come a day when you notice that you receive less calls and also fewer invitations.

I am willing to go above and beyond.  I would love to see if you can recognize yourself among the other a-holes.  A few signs are: you are more negative than positive; it is always someone elses fault.  You are invited out to drink because you always buy rounds.  You have an expensive boat; your friends climb aboard and call you “Captain”.  Every conversation revolves around you.  The only time you express your feelings is when you are inebriated.  You insist that you are always correct yet turn and walk away if someone rebuts you.  You call women and men degrading names without knowing them personally.  You expect women to put out because you opened your wallet.  You cut people off and can’t drive (less than) 55 in a 35.  You cheat on your partner or spouse.  You are dishonest and cannot remember the last time you told the truth.

To be honest, I feel so sorry for you.  Chances are, you are more alone than not.  You can find a date, but temporarily.  Your friends are not available if you need help moving.    The closest thing to you in bed upon waking is a cat or a body pillow.  You call your family and they also have very little time for you.  Or, if they do it is because they are just like you.  

I have good news, there is hope!  The first step is to admit that you are an a-hole and commit yourself to change.  Hang out with your Grandma or visit a nursing home.  Volunteer at Big Brothers/Big Sisters and become a mentor.  Join a church and find a singles group.  Read the words of Mother Theresa or the Dali Llama.  It is possible over time and with a lot of work that you too can un-a-hole yourself.  The most important thing to remember is that one day, you too will need someone.  You will experience hardship and may need to ask for help.  If you have treated others bad, chances are, the answer from them may be yes, but hesitantly.  They are the ones who will eventually write your obituary and unless you begin to change, yours will be short and sweet.  “Our Dear Son A-Hole went to see his Savior this past Saturday.  Amen.”

And that, my friend, is not what you want to leave as your legacy. 

I am sure everyone has heard multiple reasons why we are in a recession.  Some would say it is due to the mortgage industry and extensions of credit to unworthy individuals.  Other would say that the men at the top, the greediest of greedy were to blame.  Stories of suicide regarding investors have been a part of the news.  Yet, I believe that we have overlooked some basic injustices which have been going on for a long period of time.

Welfare was introduced into our system in the 1930s.  Per this website:

http://library.thinkquest.org/06aug/00342/Welfare.html it states:

"This act made it so that states had to contribute one-third that the federal government gave to needy, dependent children, as well as old people, crippled children and the needy blind."

In the 1990s, they reformed the system and within the same article you will find the following:

“Adults receiving family cash-aid benefits must go to work within two years. States may exempt a parent with a child under 1 for no more than 12 months. States had to have 25 percent of their welfare caseloads at work in 1997 and 50 percent of their caseloads at work by 2002. States who fail to meet these requirements will lose 5 percent of their federal block grants. Each adult is limited to no more than five years of cash assistance during his or her lifetime. But states may exempt up to 20 percent of their caseloads from this limit”

Don’t get me wrong, I believe in helping those who are in need.  Yet, has the government extended the cash assistance to certain individuals over the five years maximum?  Is anyone monitoring this system?  Over time, this "assistance" has grown into a multi-million dollar extension coming from hard working individuals.  Those of us who pay taxes have done so because it is the law.  Unless you work for money under the table, it is guaranteed that a certain percentage will come off the top.

So, if a certain percentage of my hard earned dollars is going into a system, why do I not have a say as to what I find an acceptable use for my tax “investment”?  If I am working 20, 30, or 40 hours a week, isn’t it fair for me to have some sort of input?

Welfare was designed years ago to help those in need.  To get them back on their feet, a temporary respite of sorts.  Yet, what was intended temporary has become an abused partnership between mothers and their children.  The mentality of those within the United States has been that of many.   I recall as a young woman of twenty years.  I became pregnant and did not really have a plan of attack.  I recall words from my own mother.  “Hey, why not go get a free hand-out?  Everyone else does it”.   Although my life did not take a turn for the worst, I still remember those words as fresh as the morning dew.

I was raised in a middle class family.  My father a firefighter, mother a nurse.  They both attained degrees and also worked full time.  We had a comfortable life, traveled and entertained ourselves with cable television when it was first introduced into our neighborhood.  My mother’s statement regarding a free handout was something foreign to our family.  Yet, over time, the mentality of even the working class has succumbed to that of an easier way. 

For years we have bailed out individuals, some who are in desperate need of help.  Family members have stepped up to the plate and opened their doors.  The economy is in shambles and the future does not look bright. 

Years ago, when children were in need of financial help, parents gave loans.  Some even signed promissory notes.   It was known that the money was not a gift.  Other ways to obtain assistance could have been a trip to the bank.  A personal loan was granted if an individual had good credit and proved responsible with their current debts. 

In lieu of loans and parents, our citizens know that they can walk into an establishment and receive money.  No promissory note needed.  Stop by for free food, child care, and rental assistance.   It’s all yours, no worries about paying it back.  Why, because Joe and Suzie, who work 40 plus hours a week will foot the bill. 

I say if you want to eat, work.  If you want to put gas in your car, get a job.   It is time we stop handing out money to parents who don’t plan on using birth control any time this century.  They know the more children they have, the greater the reward from the system.  Put a cap on how much each individual will be granted and have them sign a promissory note.   When the money has run out, it is sink or swim time.  I can guarantee that these parents will find work.  Legal or illegal, they will find a way.  Next, ensure that sometime within their lifetime all if not part of this money will be paid back. 

I believe the citizens within our country have already been bailed out.   We are in financial ruins today because of laws that were put in place so many years ago.   Let’s change our system so that our children can live in a debt free world with jobs a-plenty. 

     Each afternoon, I am greeted by a co-worker.  Although we hold different responsibilities within the same facility, we get along pretty well.  After our formalities, we chat about things in common.  Work, children and the previous weekend activities fill our conversations.  Since our initial meeting, each day has been pleasant and intriguing to say the least.  

     Jeff is your typical single guy.  He lights up when he talks about the celebrities he has met.  He is a mechanic by trade.  I recall one instance when he had to run to throw a belt on his sister's car.  It is within his nature to help others. One day, he stated his son would be stopping by.  I asked if this teenager would be someone I would recognize.  As proud as a peacock, he stated, "He looks just like me".  When his teenager arrived, I noticed the same demeanor within this child as I do his father.  Humble and reserved, yet within him, the spirit of a man.

     As we converse, we talk about singlehood and the blessing it brings.  We are both fairly outgoing, personable people.  What impresses me about Jeff is the amount of respect I know he has for me.  Not once during our conversations has it turned into a negative connotation or an uncomfortable silence.  It has become a pleasantry which I look forward to. I consider Jeff a good guy.  He is respectful, kind and everyone really likes him.  He is hard-working, holding two jobs.  He seems to be one in a million, so I asked him to help me out.  I wanted to know what his upbringing was.  Surprisingly, he agreed to answer some questions.  My desire was to obtain a blueprint, a road-map of sorts.  Simply put, a guide for parents on how to raise a boy into a man of honor. 

     Jeff was raised by his mother, a single parent.  His childhood was filled with three sisters as well.  He was raised primarily between Milwaukee and Mississippi. He had a close, loving relationship with his Grandfather.  He considers Grandpa an amazing guy.  This role model at the age of  88 held few mechanics tools.  Yet, he always found a way to ensure his family was taken care of.  Blood, sweat and tears poured from this man through his hands.  Arch, as he was known, was a restless soul, always on the go.  Although mechanics run in the family, Jeff did not get a break.  At the age off 17, he blew a head gasket on his car.  His Grandfather took him by the hand and together they repaired the engine.  His friends included neighborhood children and most times they could be found on the basketball court and playground.  Although as a teenager he was slightly rebellious, his troubles were similar to that of his age group. 

     Jeff recalls the discipline in his home.  His mother was a "no joke" type of gal.  She was serious about raising her children yet knew a healthy balance regarding love and respect.  He mentions that being a class clown had its consequences.  His mother was called regarding his behavior and spend an entire week in Jeff's class to ensure his shenanigans would cease.  As an older teenager, he thought he would pull a fast one on his mother.  Curfew had long passed and he believed that mom would be asleep.  Upon entry into his home, he stepped on his sleeping mother who had camped out by the front door.  He recalls the fundamentals of his home as being respect for others and hard work.

     As a parent himself, Jeff believes in passing on his family values to his own children.  His first child, a daughter, arrived when Jeff was 22 and he has since had two more.  He attributes his parenting style to his mother and Grandfather.  His dream is to see them become independent and raise successful families of their own.  To see them achieve their dreams would truly mean he has succeeded in his life.

     What holds Jeff a step above the rest is the fact that he had a healthy balance of love, discipline and consequences.  I have yet to hear excuses regarding why he cannot succeed.  He was taught appreciation and to also live life to the fullest.  When life gets him down, he recalls words his Grandfather told him, "It could always be worse".  He works hard and always has a smile on his face. 

     Oh yes, there is one last thing I failed to mention.  Jeff is a forty-plus year old African American male living within the city of Milwaukee.  He agreed to be the subject of my latest article.  Together, I believe, we can begin to break the stereotypes of those who feel that men like him do not exist.  Which, in fact, they do.  And that, Regis, is my final answer. 

So, you are a guy, and you are out and about.  She walks past you, or, she may be standing in the frozen food aisle.  You want to say hi, but you don't.  She walks past and appears busy.  What if she's married, you wonder.  You try to catch a glimpse of her ring finger and see it bare.  You walk forward, but hesitate.  A million and one thoughts flow through your mind.  You don't think that she thinks that you are her type.  Or, you think that she doesn't think that you are her type.  You're too tall, not tall enough, have hair that is too short, too long, your gut has expanded over the years, you wore the wrong shoes, socks, or shirt.  You forgot to shower and/or shave.  You haven't worked out in a a few months and aren't at your peak.  Your only six pack is in the fridge, so on and so forth.  Yet, as soon as you take a few deep breaths and muster up the courage, she walks out the door, or as it seems, out of your life forever.

From what I hear, this is the story of the single guy.  The plight, the anxiety and the journey of the man who has yet to meet the girl of his dreams.  

Well guys, single, soon to be or considering it, I am here to rescue you.  I am here to put your fears to rest and give you a few pointers.  It's so much easier than you think.  Go get a beer, sit back and relax.. Laura is here to save you.

Let's say you are out and you see me.  You are drawn to me, for whatever odd reason.  Maybe it's my smile, or my fantastic sense of humor.  You really want to approach me.   Guess what?  Unless the Apocalypse hits at exactly that moment, feel free to walk up and say hi.  Comment on something around me.  Ask me what isle the cereal is.  Hold out your hand and introduce yourself.  Do something, anything to catch my attention.

What you can expect from me are a couple of things.  First off, I will be polite.  I will shake your hand.  I will try my very best to remember your name.  I will probably hold a general conversation with you.  Lastly, if I am interested in you, I will let you know.

How, you may ask?  Well, let me tell you.  A couple of ways I show a guy I am interested are fairly simple.  First off, I will face you.  I will smile. I will usually make some sort of physical contact with my hand.   This may including pushing you in a joking sort of way or handing you something to look at.  I will ask your opinion in order to keep the conversation going.  This may be along the lines of sports or something I think you may be interested in. 

If we chat for a bit and you see any of the "vibes" above, ask for my number.  If I give you my card or phone number, that means I am interested. This means I would like for you to call within 24-48 hours.  Or, if you want to be really sporadic, suggest we meet at the closest Starbucks.  If I am available and interested, I will go, if not, I will definitely ask for a rain check. 

A story from years gone by comes to mind.  I was out for New Years with some girlfriends.  We were at a bar.  By chance, this guy was standing very close to me.  We turned towards each other and said hello.   He really wanted to talk, but I told him I was leaving.  I stated I would be at my last outing around 11:30pm.  At my final destination, he showed.  We ended up dating awhile and I have very sweet memories.  I asked him during out relationship what would have happened had I not been interested.  He said he would have moved on, that he would have met someone else. 

What I appreciated most about this guy was his confidence.  This was the type of guy who could say hi to a girl without expectations.  

What us girls want you guys to know is that we know it's hard to approach us.  We appreciate if you do.  Even if we are married or in a relationship, it is flattering.  We are sorry if some girl before us blew you off, crushed you in front of your friends.  Yet, why is that stopping you today?  Each and every time you let us walk away just gives another guy the opportunity to kiss us goodnight.  

All we are really saying is that you have to try, try again.  Practice.  To help you out, I have made an analogy most men can relate to.  Start out by talking to the guppies in the bowl.  Stand next to a small fin who doesn't intimidate you and strike up a conversation.  No worries, right?  When you are comfortable enough, chat up the bluegills in the lake.  Fish by fish, word by word.  You will notice that you are still breathing, even while underwater.  Eventually, you will master the art of fishing, and as we all know, there are plenty of fish in the sea.  

I wonder when The Police decided to sing this song if they initially wrote it about a particular issue or if it really had to do with what I am planning on covering today.

Have you ever in your life had the experience of being too close to someone who had less than perfect hygiene?  If you have ever worked in an office setting I am sure you have.  Now, don't get me wrong, I don't plan on naming names here, but, to be honest, once in a while something hits me.  A smell, an odor, a funk so to speak.  Someone within your personal space, needing to talk.  Silently, you sit and smile, wishing you had the words (or a noseplug).  Yet, you don't, because you would't want to offend someone although you are the one being offended.

Yes, we all know that one guy or gal who has not had a lesson in personal hygiene.  The cat lady, a smoker or the one who is allergic to soap.  How about the gal who insists on using the strongest perfume?  You know, her cubicle is attached to yours and when she sprays it comes your way.  The guy or gal who is parting the room faster than the Red Sea each and every time they walk through.  Chances are, believe it or not, they have come from a long line of offenders and are unaware of the situation.  Yet, when it comes to the rest of us, what is the proper way to handle the situation?  Is there some type of training we can obtain so that we can sympathize yet obtain results?

I had a particular instance a couple of years ago.  I worked in an office setting.  We had cubicles.  Behind me was a girl, a really nice girl at that.  Yet, at least three times a day she would spray this God aweful perfume.  It wasn't the expensive kind either.  Nope, Ralph and Vera were not "in da house".  To be honest, had it been twenty years ago, it probably would not have bothered me.  Yet, after the birth of my first child, my smelling senses have been magnified by 1000 so aromas hit me sooner than most everyone else.  Initially, I attempted to talk with this woman about the issue, but she persisted.  It moved on to emailing my manager, yet it still failed to cease. Up until my last day, the problem continued.  

Another situation comes to mind.  Most of us have encountered this person.  The dreaded Cat Lady. She lives alone, 20-30 cats (or so) and has no idea Fluffy has used her hair as restroom for the last year or so.  This person's odor is so strong you almost feel like calling the U.S. Army for a gas mask in order to stay alive for one more minute.  She has little or no family.  What do you do? I know what I have done in the past.  Absolutely nothing.  Why, you ask?  Because it is her life and I only see her once a month.  She appears happy enough and without her cats, she would die.

My last and final example occured last year.  I met a guy, we hit it off.  Yet, when he opened his mouth, it appeared as if he had been hit with a baseball bat which caused his teeth to go every which way but loose.  He got close, closed his eyes and moved in for the kiss.  Oh my gosh (and that is stating it lightly), the odor was overwhelming.  Wanting to cry, especially for myself, I pulled back and stated I had a cold.  I eventually told him that because of my heightened sense of smell, it would be really difficult to get close to him in that way.  I suggested he stop by the dentist to ensure he didn't have periodontal disease because it could end up affecting him in other ways.  He stated that not one person in his life had ever mentioned he had an oral hygiene problem.  In a rebuttal, I stated that it was probably because they loved him and didn't want to hurt his feelings.  I haven't heard from him since.  

When you are in a situation where you have to be within a certain proximity to an offender on a daily basis, what is your recourse?  How in the world does a girl like me handle the guy who refuses to use soap?  Maybe he is allergic.  Or, maybe, just maybe, he can't afford hygiene products.  How do I protecct myself from him?  Do I go to management, H.R. or call a fumigator?  I would prefer to do all of the above, but there has to be something less humiliating.  I mean, if I were the guy or gal who others ran from, how would I want to be approached?  I guess with love, kindness and a bar of soap.  Maybe if someone suggested that it could possibly be an internal issue which has caused an external odor, I might be open.  I don't know about you, but if I had a strong smell and it kept others away, I would really want to know.  I would want to know sooner than later so that I could actually fix the problem.

So, how about you guys?  How have you dealt with these types of situations?  What is the best and most professional way to handle the situation?  Or, if you have been told that you have body odor, what has it been like?  How have you felt?  Please feel free to put your comments below.  It's time we solve this issue once and for all. 

If you read the paper on a daily basis, you might have run across this little ditty:

http://www.jsonline.com/watchdog/watchdogreports/38309864.html

To make a long story short, 3 sisters, who abuse the Wisconsin Shares childcare subsidy program, have collected over HALF A MILLION dollars by watching each others children.

When my children were young, I paid child care costs out of pocket.  When my then-husband was overseas in Korea for a year, I paid babysitters to watch my daughter while I worked full time.   Upon his return home, I gave birth to our second daughter and we made the decision that it would be cost effective for me to stay home.  I gladly accepted and have sweet memories of first smiles, words and steps. 

A few years later, we made the decision I would work a night job after he came home from his day job.  I know so many families who choose to work different shifts in order to give their children the best care possible and also save money in the meantime.  During a 3 year stint on a military base, in order to stay home with my children, I became a US Army child care provider.  We would have monthly visits from our directors and had to follow strict guidelines regarding schedules, feeding and also safety of the children. 

In reading the above story of the abuse of the Wisconsin Shares program, they wonder how the state is being bilked out of millions of dollars.  They wonder how they are going to fix the problem.  They state that they have no way to account if a parent is working a full time legitimate job or not.  Hey WISCONSIN SHARES PROGRAM, let me give you some ideas on how to fix this ongoing problem.  Just promise me you will give me 1% of your annual savings when you heed my advice.

I worked in the mortgage industry for years.  Prior to approving someone for a mortgage loan, we verified the income of the homeowner via a paystub and W2.  We also performed verifications of employment.  This entails either going on www.theworknumber.com or simply making a call to an employees Human Resources Department.  Sometimes Human Resources requires a signed authorization.  This form can become one of the required documents signed when a parent requests child care subsidy.

From this day forward, we desire that your organization will require each parent not only to sign the authorization but also fill out a time sheet signed by their employer as well.  The employer must be a business which requires them to have an EIN.  An Employer Identification Number (EIN) is also known as a Federal Tax Identification Number, and is used to identify a business entity.  This will assist in helping Wisconin Shares in identifying legible businesses as well.

Additionally, instead of allowing this "loophole" where family members are allowed to care for children, revise the law, as of today.  We as your taxpayers would also really appreciate it if you would hire new employees to stop by the day care centers where supposed parents are working as employees.  With so many individuals out of work, hiring persons to make simple phone calls or go online to verify employment is a piece of cake.  Better yet, I will print up a simple one page instructional and teach you how to to train these individuals in an hour or less.  If you take $250,000.00 out of your annual upcoming budget and apply it towards hiring new employees, you will save millions thus come out ahead in the long run.   The above suggestions will assist you in weeding out the fraudulent cases and get us back in line regarding our year end budget.   It is a crying shame that something hasn't been done sooner, but we are counting on you to make the necessary changes in order to ensure that this does not continue further.

I don't know about anyone else, but as for myself, I know I can sleep at night because I am an honest person.  I know that once in a while I wonder how my life could be just a little bit easier. I can hold my head up high knowing that although I am not perfect, I have done the right thing.  Without the trials I have been through I would not be who I am today. 

And, I like me. 

Does everyone remember their first kiss?  I know I sure do.  Although It happened eons ago I still remember so much about that exact moment.

I recall that summer so well.  I remember walking through a school playground and meeting a boy.  Way back then the guys rode dirt bikes.  Mongooses, or something of the sort.  It was cool and just the in thing to do.  I remember what I was wearing the very day I met this boy.  Red shorts and a checkerboard top from Marriott's Great America (aka Six Flags).  It was one of my very favorite outfits.  I thought I looked hot!  Well, he must have too because he showed interest and followed me through the playground.  

We eventually started "dating, seeing each other, or whatever we called it" and hung out almost every day.  He would ride, I would walk.  I did not ride a bike, as for me in my teenage state, it was not cool.  His friends, my friends, him and I would all hang out at the school field house.  We would sit in front of the school and listen to music.  Jam On It was playing and we were singing.  Everything was so simple back then.  

I don't recall hanging out at his house or meeting his mom, but he sure knew where I lived.  He would ride over and we would usually sit outside and make our way back to the playground.  

Yet, there was one particular day.  He had stopped by, laid his bike on the driveway and came in.  We were in the kitchen.  I was leaning against the stove, and well, you know what happened next.  He kissed me.  Our first kiss.  The minute he opened his mouth, I moved back.  "What are you doing", I asked, and he told me.  It was there and then that he schooled me in the art of kissing.  It was exciting, fun and I am sure there were more kisses afterwards. 

I do have to admit that I like kissing.  I think it's fun.  What ever happened to the excitement of the first kiss?  Why is it that we have taken the intimacy of the kiss for granted?  I don't know about you, but kissing for me is a way to show someone that I care about them.  We kiss our family members, friends, yet when it comes to our partners, it becomes overlooked.  What ever happened to the good old session where you go to make-out point for the Submarine Races?  What ever happened to the excitement of getting to know someone with their clothes on?

I have been single for quite some time and I have to admit, I am looking forward to my "next" first kiss.  I want the thrill, the rush and the excitement of those years when life was simple.  I want to look forward to getting to know the person I choose to spend time with.  I want to feel my heart beat and knees melt once again. 

How about you guys, do you remember your first kiss?  Is the memory different for men than it is for women?  If it is, and you want to share, please feel free to comment below. 

I recall as a young girl that smoking in our household was a normal occurrence.  My parents probably smoked two packs a day, each.  The cigarettes were always in our kitchen cupboard, above the telephone.  Way back then, our phone had an actual cord on it.  For those of us who remember way back then, it would be somewhere between rotary dial and cordless.  Or, as my daughters would say, somewhere between the birth of Christ and Napoleon Dynamite. 

I recall smoking being a part of my life and most of my friend’s lives as well.  Statistics state that if your parents smoked, chances are, you will smoke as well.  Believe it or not, out of the four girls in my own family, only one has chosen that path.  I have to admit, though, that a couple of years ago I met someone who I became great friends with.  She was a smoker, I was not.  Yet, each and every Friday, she would offer, and I would decline.  Yet, after a couple of months, I decided to try one.  I mean, it had been since my first attempt in high school, so what the heck, right?  I inhaled, and immediately felt light headed.  It felt good.  Since our night out was Friday, I noticed that I could not wait until that night.  I just had to have that cigarette, or two.  I made a very difficult decision and quit cold turkey.  Sure, it was not as if I was hard core, but it could have gotten there eventually.

I am so glad I have chosen to be smoke free.  I feel great and from what I hear, life smells so much better.  I know that at least regarding this aspect, hopefully I will be cancer free within certain areas of my body.  I am not sure about the second hand smoke from childhood, but so far so good.  I can’t imagine how hard it must be to quit.  It’s hard enough switching from regular to diet Mountain Dew. 

I believe it’s a choice to smoke.  I understand completely the draw and feeling it gives you.  I also know it will eventually become an addiction for most if not curbed soon enough.  Most smokers will tell you they can’t get out of bed without a cigarette, or soon thereafter.  I can’t imagine, but I have seen it firsthand.  Yet, I wonder.  What I really wonder about most is why employers allow those who choose to smoke numerous breaks throughout the day without consequences.

I have worked in corporate America for most of my adult life.  I am told with each orientation that if I work an 8 hour shift, I am allowed two 15 minute breaks and a lunch break.  My hours have varied, but have primarily been 8:00am until 5:00pm.  This means I can take two breaks, usually at 10am and 2pm.  My lunch went from 12pm until 1pm.  I feel this is more than what I deserve, but it’s a fair trade.  Sometimes given the amount of work, it is nice knowing you can step away from your desk for a few minutes without repercussions.  Yet, look around.  Joe and Suzie, smokers by trade, are heading out, once an hour, for a cigarette (or three).  When Manager Dave stops by, he looks for Joe and Suzie.  They were probably the only ones in charge of the project or answer a question he may have.  Now, they are nowhere to be found so who’s the next guy or girl in line?  Well, it’s me of course! 

I mean, I know Joe and Suzie need a cigarette, but I also need to get my work done.  I really need to have uninterrupted time to concentrate on what is most important.  Yet, while Joe and Suzie stand outside for their cigarette(s) on any given day, can we be honest for a moment?  I love to go outside and enjoy a nice sunny day.  They say if you want to ensure Vitamin D, stand outside in the sun for at least 15 minutes a day.  When I am out basking in the warmth, I hesitate and really don’t look forward to the lunch hour ending.  Yet, Joe and Suzie not only get their recommended amount of sun, they get that and so much more.  Drag on that cancer stick just a little longer than normal.  Go ahead.  Don’t worry about me.  I will do your job as well as mine. 

I realize that companies are cutting back on costs.  They hire and pay financial advisors to come up with a plan.  Hey, Mr. Owner of the Company, I have a tip for you.  Instead of paying someone hundreds of thousands of dollars a year to figure this out, listen up.  If you are looking to cut costs, why not deduct time from those who waste precious company time smoking.  I mean, since they are usually taking 2 additional hours of breaks every day to feed their habit, it could help to keep others on the job.  Or, better yet, since Joe and Suzie can complete their work in 6 hours, cut their hours and let them go at 3pm. 

Let’s look at this from a financial standpoint.  If you pay Suzie $17.00 per hour, and she works 40 hours a week, her gross annual income is $35,360.00.  Now, let’s cut that down to the actual hours worked.  Let’s say we take out 2 hours per day.  Cut out 10 hours a week and now she is paid $17.00 per hour at a 30 hour work week.  Her gross annual income is now $26,520.00.  That is a difference of $8,840.00. Multiply that times 4 workers and you would have an adjusted annual difference of $35,360.00.  You can now keep more full time employees and avoid actual layoffs. 

I know this sounds drastic, but fair is fair, right?  Why is it that smokers are allowed breaks at their leisure when everyone else had to be accountable to every minute of every day? 

Better yet, another solution would be this, incent those who do not smoke.  Give them more time off, which has been earned, or greater pay raises.  Give them a free membership to the local gym.  Offset their monthly health costs by increasing company contribution.  Show them you appreciate the fact that they value the time they are paid.

Last but not least, we can avoid doing the work of cutting hours and incenting others by just making one new rule.  No additional breaks for smoking.  Smoke during your allotted break times.  Break times will be from 10:00-10:15am and from 2:00-2:15pm.  If you choose to smoke outside of these allotted break times, disciplinary action will be taken.  A first offense will result in a write up.  Second offense results in decrease of hours.  Third offense results in termination.  This may sound severe, but with the thousands of unemployed persons, I know there are many non-smokers who are willing and able to fill your position at this time. 

I know you have a habit, an addiction as some call it, but that is your problem.  Don’t make it mine.  I know many of you may disagree, but give me a break.  If you were in my position, what would you suggest?  When it comes down to it, you may have chosen to smoke, but you also signed up for this job.  Like Michael Jordan says, “Just do it”!

My Dear Friend:

First off, I know you have a really busy life.  I know this economy has brought most of us down.  In fact, there are so many in this country suffering financial losses, the number is too great to count. 

I know your stress level is high.  I also believe that at times life is unbearable.  God knows I have experienced trials as well.  Yet, in order to deal with stress, I may have different outlets than yourself.  Thanks to an incredible set of family and friends, my life today is great.

Yet, one thing I want to thank you for.  This may seem sarcastic, but I really mean it.  Thank you for taking my life.  

I know what it's like to go out and be a part of a crowd.  God knows how hard peer pressure is.  I thought peer pressure happened in school, yet now I know it carries on towards adulthood.  Not only young adults, but some more towards retirement age and further beyond.  

To me, having a good time is getting out, meeting up with family or friends.  When I get to the bar or head to a party, there is always one item available.  This item comes in many different shapes and flavors.  Chocolate, you may ask?  Nope!  Are you kidding me?  I wish they had chocolate at every outing I attended.  Dark chocolate at that, being it's good for your heart and all.  This item is so much more powerful.  In a good way?  Well, sure, I can state that this type of thing really calms my nerves.  

This party favorite that I am referring to may be your best friend, confidante or pal.  His first name is Al, but, let me think of his last name.  Oh yeah, his full name is Al Cohol.  He is a really nice guy.  After taking him in a bit, life gets just a little bit better.  Al is irresistible, insatiable and really helps most to feel more powerful.  He helps loosen you up and makes promises he usually always keeps.  

After getting to know Al, which is your choice, he may encourage you to drive home.  Hell, he makes you feel on top of the world, something similar to Superman.  With a huge "S" on your chest, you are bullet proof.  I mean, the truth is, Al can give you a pain killer stronger than morphine.  Fall down, stumble, no worries, you are covered.  Sure, it may hurt tomorrow, but you can always visit Al to take the pain away yet one more day.

Being that you and Al are best friends, he somehow always gets invited out.  He has such an addictive personality.  I know this for a fact, because I do too. 

While you are getting to know Al, I mean really well, and decide to drive home, let me fill you in on my life.  I am really easy going, an awesome mom and a great friend.  Well, that's what my friends say, you might want to ask them.  I have two daughters, in high school, who have excelled.  My friends live all over the country.  I have three sisters, a mom and a dad.  My dad is one of my best  friends and I have a bunch of nieces and nephews.  My Grandma is 89 and still driving every day.  She gets away with speeding because she always carries her bible and rosary and will use it if necessary.  I mean, what cop can ticket a sweet old gal if she starts praying the Our Father and Hail Mary?  

I recently got an awesome job which I love and decided after 20 years to go back to school to better myself.  I am bilingual and love to write.  I am vivacious and enjoy my life.  After work, I head home and eat dinner with my daughters.  They are with me 90% of the time and we really love each other.  We hang out, see movies together, shop, dance, sing and never miss saying "I love you" when we get off the phone or say goodnight.  They depend on me, but to be honest, I depend on them.  My oldest is graduating from high school this year.  To be honest, I think I am already going through withdrawals.  I might join a support group early to find out how to deal when your kids move out.  I really look forward to seeing them go to college, obtain their driver's licenses and also fall in love.  I cannot wait to hear about their first kisses or see them blush while describing their first crushes. 

Sometimes I wonder what would happen if today would be my last day.   I wonder how they would survive.  I sometimes wonder if there is something I haven't said. 

Wait, today was my last day.  While I was out and about, coming home from a movie, we ran into each other.  The last thing I remember seeing was your face.  It was somber, unaffected, emotionless.  I really don't believe you were quite aware of your surroundings.  Hey, I remember one more thing.  You had a friend in the car.  It must have been your buddy Al.  I wonder where you guys went that night.  As you crossed the median, I tried to swerve.  I screamed and hit the breaks.  I felt instant fear and my life flashed before my eyes.  I remember trying to block my daughter with my arm.  I didn't want her to hit her head on the windshield. 

I remember waking up.  I didn't feel any pain.  I looked around and thought I was having a nightmare.  I was lying on the ground, my daughter 20 feet from me.  I thought I was strong enough but I guess not, because she flew through the windshield.  I tried getting up and actually made it to my feet.  I ran towards my daughter and she stirred.  As I look back I noticed something very strange.  My body was still on the ground.  Although I realized that my life no longer existed, I did my best to console my daughter.  The ambulance showed up.  The put me on a stretcher and did their best.  Another set of paramedics took care of my daughter.  Although unconscious, they found her pulse.  Her heart was beating!  Yet, mine was not. 

What happened to you and Al was another story.  You remained in your car.  Although it was on it's side, for some reason you had remained calm enough throughout the accident to not react.  You simply suffered a concussion and a couple of cuts and scrapes.  I am so glad you are ok.  God forbid something terrible happen to you.

I wonder if you can do me a favor?  Can you hold my daughter's hand until someone else arrives?  I need you to find out how she is doing.  She is alone right now, I am sure she is afraid.  Her sister is at work, unaware of what has happened.   In a few moments her father will receive the call.  It will take him about 30 minutes to get to the hospital.  I am hoping they can find her Grandma who works on the 4th floor.   My sisters are close but my dad and younger sister live in California.  It's too bad that they won't be here soon enough. 

My life is over.  I want to thank you for that.  You probably saved me from a broken heart.  You saved me from bumps and bruises along the way.  You saved me from having to worry about tomorrow.  Gosh, no more fear about money.  Bills are gone forever.  I cannot thank you enough. 

I appreciate you telling my daughters that I loved them.  I probably said it way too much anyway.  I also need you to do a couple of things. My youngest is on the honor roll.  Although losing me may affect her life, make sure she studies and becomes Valedictorian like we planned.   Help my oldest finish enrolling in college.  Oh yeah, she has her temps, but hopefully will pass her driving test the first time.  I know I sure didn't.  Hey, I forgot the most important thing.  If you can do this for me, I will forever be indebted.  Please warn my daughters to stay away from Al.  I know I am overprotective, but I am not sure he is good enough for them.  He may try to encourage them to do something they may regret doing later.  I know you love the guy, but please do me that one last favor.  I really appreciate it. 

Your friend,

Laura

This popular saying comes to mind now that that holiday season ends.  Although sales were down, I am sure that some of us received gifts.  Although some were left to be desired, others were truly on our wish lists.  For myself, I received some financial gifts, yet the most important gift I received was a clean house.  My youngest purchased me a food chopper (probably to save her eyes from those dreaded onions), storage containers and also a Betty Boop calendar.  And of course we know, Betty was the original 40’s are the new 30’s woman.  (Thank you so much for making curves the “in” thing Betty!)

Hi Everyone,

I hope you all had a safe and happy holiday.   I know this year has been tough for alot of people, myself included.  So many have lost their jobs yet would still like to celebrate New Years. 

One idea I ran across in the City of West Allis Newsletter are the upcoming festivities at West Allis Central High School.  They have planned to celebrate new years in a big way.  The cost is $5.00 for persons 4 years of age and older.  If you are a CAAD (Community Alliance Against Drug) member, admission is free.  Adults must accompany children as well.  The activities will run from 6:30pm until 11:00pm. 

The following are a list of activities which include: basketball, volleyball, face painting, balloon art by Mr. and Mrs. D Clown, music by DJ Lee and much more.  What is even better is that the pool will be open from 7- 10pm. but please remember to bring a towel and a lock. 

The following attractions such as: the moonwalk, rock climbing wall and 7 hole mini-golf are part of the evenings events as well.  

Concessions include: pizza, hot dogs, nachos, cotton candy, snow cones, popcorn, candy, soda and bottled water.  Tickets for ATTRACTIONS and CONCESSIONS are sold at 4 for $1.00 or an all night wrist band is available for $3.00.  

The door prize alone is for a Brewers game.  Now who doesn't want to see the Brewers?  I know I sure do!  This ultimate door prize will be to the May 3rd game at 1:05pm.  The package includes 4 field diamond tickets and a gold preferred parking pass valued at $275.00.  Each family receives one free raffle ticket.  Additional tickets can be purchased at $1.00 each or 6 for $5.00.  Drawing is at 10:45pm in the fieldhouse and winner must be present to claim the prize.

To be honest, not only do I believe this is a fabulous idea, but I will be attending as well.  It is so exciting to me to be able to bring my daughters to the exact high school I graduated from 20 years ago.

I have called around and heard about New Years ideas on the radio and have been quoted prices up towards $90.00 per person to attend.   Not only is this less expense than the prior quote, but it gives you a mini taste of a "winter" festival as well.  I mean, honestly, who doesn't love nachos, snow cones and cotton candy? 

If anyone has other fabulous ideas, please feel free to comment below.   If you attend and see me, feel free to say hi. 

Have a safe and wonderful New Year.  

Oh, how fast the season approaches regarding Christmas time.  Do you recall your last holiday season?  Are you similar to myself regarding gifts?  The last minute type of shopper?  The promise that you will shop earlier next year, possibly even beginning in January?  Although the intention is usually there, I know for a fact that each and every year will be the same.  Not even a New Years resolution could help with this one...

Yet, this season, especially regarding the economy, may be very different.  I know for me it is.  Having been downsized has certainly changed my plans.  Life as we know it changed last September and being in the mortgage industry, well, let's just say it hasn't gotten much better.  Fortunately, I have very little debt, but even shopping for food has changed in a way.   I am blessed to say that my children are old enough to understand, which is half the battle.  They know that we had to cut back on certain entertainment items, but it has definitely brought us closer as a family. 

Believe it or not, I have made it a point to have a certain discussion with my children a couple of times a year.  Given the fact we are very close, it is fairly easy for me to open up and begin this without needing distractions of any sort.  I consider it a gift.  Not only to them, but to myself as well.  It's a sort of "home improvement" without the interest rate.  I am hoping the example I am going to present will be a sort of gift for your family.  In lieu of presents, feel free to make this the most important one of all.

The one question I ask my children is, "What can I do to improve our family?"  Another way to put it is, "Is there anything I am doing to push you away from me, or cause you to not trust me?"  

I think most of us as parents believe we are doing our best, and I believe we are.  Whatever works for you as a mom or dad means that you are either getting positive results or your children are for the most part behaving themselves.  Although I may not disagree with other parenting styles, it is really not my business.  Therefore, I usually keep my opinions to myself, unless you ask of course! 

Yet, how often do we ever consider our way may not be the best way for everyone living in our home?  I mean, I know as a mom what I would like for my family.  I know that I want my daughters to do what is morally correct.  I would like to see them get through high school unscathed.  I try my best to listen and sometimes bite my tongue regarding the behavior of some of their friends.  I think I am doing a pretty good job and so far, my kids do as well.

I have to admit, ever since they were very young I have always discussed sex within marriage.  Over time, as they got older, I became maybe a bit over-zealous.  I wanted to ensure they were hearing what I said and hopefully would not stray from our original beliefs.  I already had the drugs and alcohol discussion down to a tee, so I was not worried so much about that.  Yet, it is has been quite the experience when I have posed the above questions to my own daughters. Believe it or not, my daughters honestly told me that I no longer had to talk about sex as much.  They said "they got it" and if they had questions, they would ask me.  Since then, I have pretty much backed off and respected their request.

Another couple of requests my daughters brought to my attention were mostly regarding personal space, our time together and they believed in the past I "talked on the phone too much."  I had to remind them that as much as they need their friends, I need mine as well.  I do believe that at times they may be jealous that someone else is getting my attention.  Oh yes, they also stated that when I am writing my articles on the computer I completely zone out.  No matter what, when I am reading or writing, it's true, I do zone out.  I gently reminded the girls that if they want my attention, to please walk up and pat me on the arm. 

I think the greatest gift I have given to my children is the fact they can trust me.  They know that they have a voice in our home.  They believe 100% that no matter what, I still love them.  I accept them as they are and believe in them.  They know their voice matters and is heard.  They believe I will do everything in my power to ensure our home is a safe place. 

I believe the greatest gifts we can give to our loved ones this holiday season is to re-establish our relationships and vow to put 110% into each and every one of them.  The most important part of revising a relationship is to realize that it takes one person to begin the process, YOU!  Ask your children and your spouse two questions.  "What draws you towards me and what causes you to run away from me?"  Make a list of what you love most about one another.  It is so easy to point fingers and tell others what they have done wrong or what you would like to see them doing different.  Remember, it is very important to be open and listen during this process.  Sometimes what our loved ones wish for us to change may be a hard pill to swallow.  No-one is perfect, nope, not even me!  Each new day gives us the opportunity to become new and improved. 

I wish everyone a safe and happy holiday season.   

Hello everyone, and once again, Happy Holidays!

I believe although the economy is in a slump, most of us still feel the "pull" to purchase Christmas gifts for everyone on our list.  We spend days, hours and minutes, even facing horrible weather conditions, to complete our shopping.  I mean, what kind of a guy or girl would forget Grandma, Grandpa, mom, dad, aunts, uncles, cousins, first cousins, second cousins, stepmoms, stepdads and Fido?  All joking aside, ever since I became a single parent years ago, I made it very clear to my friends and family.  No gifts for me, the kids, yes, but me, no.  A Christmas card is great, but the most important gift is the relationship itself.  If I need or want something, I will eventually buy it.  

When you come to think of it, there is always one person, the most important person, left off of your list.  I am sure you are scratching your head just thinking of who it could be, right?  Well, let me give you a hint.  It's someone you live with.  Someone you can't live without.  This person is.... YOU!

For the first time I realized that for the first time, I am going to consider giving myself a gift.  Not just any gift.  Not a New Years resolution.  I want to give myself a gift which will keep on giving.  This gift is not something which can be purchased in a store.  It comes from within.  From that part of you which has been lost or forgotten about.  I am going to take the time to be good to myself and others.  I am asking each one of us to look inside and add what you would like for yourself this Christmas.  Put yourself on Santa's lap and tell him what you want.  Bring yourself back to when life were simple and worries were few.  

In all essence, over time, due to family, stress, work, and everything else under the sun, we begin to forget.  We go through life and the simple seems to fade away.  As I get older, I realize that I can't go back.  I can't undo or press rewind.  Although this does not make me anxious, I really want to focus on what I can do.  What I must do.  I must take the time to add some joy and happiness to my life.  I want to know that if today were my last day, my kids know 1,000,000% that they were loved unconditionally.  That I made a difference and I helped maybe just one person.  

I thought long and hard and came up with quite a few.  Below are a list of gifts I believe one can benefit and prosper from.  

Let go of past hurts, give up smoking, see a counselor, tell the truth, get in touch with an old friend, go back to school, spend more time with your kids, give up an unhealthy relationship, figure out work isn't working, get a complete physical, fix your marriage, look inside, come clean, clean up what you put in your mind and body, pray, do something special for yourself, learn something new every day, become new and improved, rediscover yourself, finish a project, downsize your schedule, realize everything does NOT have to be done today, look in the mirror and say "hey good looking", make a list of things to do, give yourself a break, make a new friend, reconcile, have no regrets, forgive yourself, forgive someone else and forget, find out what's most important, do what it takes to make your relationships strong, be trustworthy, hold confidence, write someone a "Why I love you" letter, take more pictures and display them, try new foods, realize change is possible, do not dwell on the past, clean your "inner" closets, live as if this were your last day on this earth, accept your body "as is" and realize that you can make changes, take care of your sexual health, use protection, go monogamous, perform a simple act of kindness, say "thank  you" more often, stop and smell the roses, thank someone who has helped you grow, smile and say hi to a stranger, play a game you loved when you were a child, learn how to fix something, offer your help, open your heart, tell your spouse and kids you love them more, learn how to say I am sorry, don't try to fix what ain't broke, quit trying to fix others, realize it's ok to cry, write down the happiest moment of your life and fame it, play well with others, give a bigger tip, call a manager and brag about good service, ask a trusted friend or family member two questions, "What draws you towards me and what pushes you away from me?", then take baby steps to change the "pushes". 

As I wrote the above "gifts", it helped me to focus on what I do have, instead of what I don't.  I believe life is what you make it.  You do have the right to be happy.  So many of us live for the "later, tomorrow" or the "future".  How about make it for "today"?  Thank you so much for taking the time to read this post.  Please feel free to take the time to add more below. 

Hello everyone and of course, Happy Holidays....  I would have said Merry Christmas, but of course, I am trying to cover everyone and their beliefs as well.  

I wanted to make these posts more of an open forum.  Get everyone's opinions, so to speak.  The first topic of the season which is so important is SAFETY.

It appears as if there are so many stories regarding robberies, Black Friday nightmares, etc, that I believe that we as a community can come up with very simple ideas on how to stay safe not only this year, but for future years as well.

I can honestly admit, I do have around 10 purses.  Maybe more, but that's not what I am here to talk about.  I want to talk about everyone else's purses.  I think something that really gets my goat, so to speak, is how laxed some women are about their purses.  Sometimes when I am walking through the grocery store, I find purses on a cart, opened wide, where the woman has walked away.  Even if it's for a moment, I worry.  I mean, if you have ever seen the inside of a purse, it carries usually everything but the kitchen sink.  

My first safety tip of the holiday season is this.  Leave your purse at home.  I know it may seem like "Mission Impossible", but I feel it is the first step in keeping us ladies safe.  If you ever see me, you will never see me carrying a purse. You probably wonder how I survive.  Well, let me tell you.  

When I wake up in the morning, I get ready like the rest of the world.  Then, when I leave the house, I put my driver's license, cash and credit card in my back pocket.  Once in a while if I am in a "questionable" area, or feel unsafe, I will take all of the items from my back pocket and throw them inside of my shirt, in one side of my "unmentionables".  Then, in the largest pocket in my pants or jacket, I throw my cell phone.  Finally, in the other front pocket, I throw my keys.   That is it.  If you don't believe me, just ask my kids or check me out at Barnes and Nobles reading someday.  Believe me, this transformation did not happen overnight.  It has just become so convenient that it works for me.  

Now, for those of you that cannot certain live without your purse, how about an easier way?  Instead of not taking a purse, how about when you get to where you are going, you only put what you need in your pockets.  Then, throw your purse in the trunk of your car.  I mean, if you really think about it, what else do you need when you are in any establishment?  

Another crazy idea, if you are going shopping, alone, how about you carry an old purse which is empty.  I know this sounds silly but instead of carrying a purse full of identification and personal items, carry an empty one .  I know this sounds strange, but honestly, if you are a victim of a robbery, the guy or girl only wants your valuables, especially your purse.  Fill it with something slightly heavy, so it does not appear to be empty.  Let's take one more victim off the streets and make it a Merry Christmas this year

When you go shopping or out by yourself, why not leave all of your valuables at home.  The less gold, diamonds and jewelry you have on, the less the crooks will notice you.  Throw on a pair of jeans, a sweater, jacket, boots and whatever else it will take to keep you warm.  Try not to bring too much attention to yourself.   No need to dress like you are going to a ball, church or anywhere else special during these trips. 

Although this may not occur, what is the best reaction to a robbery situation?  Give that person whatever he or she is demanding.  Do not fight.  I know I have seen stories where the victim has fought and won.  In fact, a friend of mine who's car was almost stolen chased the would be robbers down the highway, called the police and was able to catch the criminals. Yet, not every story ends up so successful.  

Lastly, if and when you decide to venture out for your purchases, try to find a buddy to go along with.  Even your Grandma would do.  If you think about thieves, it's best to put them in the same category as a pack of wild animals.  Have you ever seen the nature channel?  Remember how that pack of wolves always singles out the most vulnerable baby and goes in for the kill?  That is exactly how criminals work.  They look for that one woman, or man, and take what they want.  Sad but true.

There are so many other ways to keep yourself safe. Please feel free to comment and add your own safety tips below so that we as a community can have a more safe and peaceful holiday season.